The Half-Hearted Church

Twice today I've been confronted by blog posts addressing the "semi-churched." First, on The Gospel Coalition, the second on Paul Tripp's website. They are the ones that aren't there for every single service, in every single ministry. The ones that church hop. The ones with high-expectations. The Half-Hearted Church.

As a person that has fallen into that category, those posts didn't sit well with me. They made me angry. Most would say this was because I am in the wrong, that conviction is unpleasant. Touché, but allow me to continue.

I pondered whether that was the case. Is God using these fellow Christians to sharpen me? To point out where I am weak spiritually? Undoubtedly. It is a weakness I am well aware of. Conviction is good. Unfortunately, I cannot simply let it end there.

I felt these posts as guilt. Guilt heaped upon my head by men, not by my Lord. True, our culture is a shop around culture, driven by the search for entertainment. But please do not assume that because someone only attends church on Sunday mornings that they are not committed to the church or Christ.

A lot of it has to do with many people leaving spiritually abusive churches.

You're driven to wear yourself out, to prove yourself by good works without a proper understanding of the gospel of grace. You're judged based solely upon your appearances and how well you follow man-made rules. This is especially hard if you're a person that struggles with mental disorders, if you are an intellectual, or an extreme introvert. It makes you a little gun-shy. Those of us who still believe, struggle, knowing ourweakness.

We're still trying to soak in all the freedom we have in Christ and figure out that line between grace and works. We're wondering why we should trust anyone else's interpretation of scripture because we were led astray before by "men of God." We don't know what to believe.

And then we're judged to be superficial, noncommittal Christians.

We want to be a part but we don't know how. We're afraid. Some of us smile warmly on the outside, while the inside is scared stiff and holding back. We want to be in church but every service is a struggle against old fears, anger, hurt, and perhaps even bitterness. We're trying. That we're there at all should be counted a victory.

The seemingly half-hearted in the church may simply be hurting people. People that may need your help in relearning how to study the Bible. People that are afraid to be themselves in the church setting. People that recoil inwardly at words and concepts like submission and putting on good works, not because those ideas are unbiblical but because they've been taught those ideas without Christ as the center. People that are unwillingly disconnected from their brothers and sisters in Christ.

If you see us faltering in our commitment, discipleship and love will go far. We really do want to love the church, however broken she is. We know we should.

Please reach out to us. Include us. Allow us to vent our frustrations and process our hurts without trying to fix us. Let us question. Most of all, keep pointing us toward Jesus Christ, the One who heals the broken-hearted.

Being

Sometimes I like to sit and let the silence soothe my soul. To be able to hear every creak of the house, the quiet hum of the computer, to stare out the window and be still. I long for these little moments that almost never come anymore. I think I could stay here forever.

When they come, I feel the crush of time. I know it is only a matter of minutes until I hear their little feet coming to find me. I feel the minutes go by in painful agony, wishing for time to slow down. For just another few quiet moments uninterrupted.

I do so love these little persons that steal my time and my silence. There were never cuter bandits in the world. They are my world.

With every breath I take, I drink in more of this wonderful silence. I want to suck it all into me until there is no more to fill. The sound of drizzly raindrops bores into me. I really think I could stay here forever.

I soak up what I can.

The stillness, the silence, the...

Being.

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On New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year. The time of year for everyone's New Year's resolution zeal to be winding down. New Year's resolutions are a weird thing for me. I'm not sure I understand the point. Is there some sort of gleeful feeling one gets from starting things on a day and a month marked with a one?

I don't understand the reason so many put so much on January 1st. One could pick any other day to "turn over a new leaf". Any other day to start exercising. Or start a diet. Or be more nice to people.

When the stats show that only 8% of people are successful at keeping their resolutions, than what is the point? Why bother to make them? Why do people choose to lock themselves into a hard as stone resolution that they are destined never to keep and to feel terrible about forever?

It's a vicious cycle. You make resolutions, start running out of steam a month in, fail completely, beat yourself up over it, and then make a whole new list up that, by golly, you are gonna work extra hard to fulfill it! On and on the cycle goes.

I understand goals. Goals are great. Goals are flexible. Goals are something you can work towards in manageable steps.

For example, when one resolves to lose weight, one usually also resolves to never eat butter or cheesecake until they have lost x amount of pounds. One resolves to go to the gym every day. With a goal, you aim to lose weight and take the manageable steps to get there. This may involve parking further away from your destination, eating 4 servings of vegetables everyday, and only eating a piece of cheesecake once a week.

The very word resolution sounds so permanent that I think it hampers more than it helps. Where is the give for the day that you come home too exhausted to hit the gym? Or you're sick for a week? I think goals are better suited for this. You can take two steps forward and one step back without it being a big deal.

I like to write out a list of goals at the beginning of the year, just to give myself some direction. Every couple months I take a look at it, mark off things that I've accomplished, and reevaluate my goals. If I didn't, I'd never accomplish anything! These are goals I am working towards, not resolutions that I will feel terrible about failing. Sometimes I get it all done and usually I don't, but I have no guilt either way.

Life is hard enough. Let's show ourselves some grace and get things done. Work towards a goal or two. And you don't even have to wait until January 1st.