The Half-Hearted Church

Twice today I've been confronted by blog posts addressing the "semi-churched." First, on The Gospel Coalition, the second on Paul Tripp's website. They are the ones that aren't there for every single service, in every single ministry. The ones that church hop. The ones with high-expectations. The Half-Hearted Church.

As a person that has fallen into that category, those posts didn't sit well with me. They made me angry. Most would say this was because I am in the wrong, that conviction is unpleasant. Touché, but allow me to continue.

I pondered whether that was the case. Is God using these fellow Christians to sharpen me? To point out where I am weak spiritually? Undoubtedly. It is a weakness I am well aware of. Conviction is good. Unfortunately, I cannot simply let it end there.

I felt these posts as guilt. Guilt heaped upon my head by men, not by my Lord. True, our culture is a shop around culture, driven by the search for entertainment. But please do not assume that because someone only attends church on Sunday mornings that they are not committed to the church or Christ.

A lot of it has to do with many people leaving spiritually abusive churches.

You're driven to wear yourself out, to prove yourself by good works without a proper understanding of the gospel of grace. You're judged based solely upon your appearances and how well you follow man-made rules. This is especially hard if you're a person that struggles with mental disorders, if you are an intellectual, or an extreme introvert. It makes you a little gun-shy. Those of us who still believe, struggle, knowing ourweakness.

We're still trying to soak in all the freedom we have in Christ and figure out that line between grace and works. We're wondering why we should trust anyone else's interpretation of scripture because we were led astray before by "men of God." We don't know what to believe.

And then we're judged to be superficial, noncommittal Christians.

We want to be a part but we don't know how. We're afraid. Some of us smile warmly on the outside, while the inside is scared stiff and holding back. We want to be in church but every service is a struggle against old fears, anger, hurt, and perhaps even bitterness. We're trying. That we're there at all should be counted a victory.

The seemingly half-hearted in the church may simply be hurting people. People that may need your help in relearning how to study the Bible. People that are afraid to be themselves in the church setting. People that recoil inwardly at words and concepts like submission and putting on good works, not because those ideas are unbiblical but because they've been taught those ideas without Christ as the center. People that are unwillingly disconnected from their brothers and sisters in Christ.

If you see us faltering in our commitment, discipleship and love will go far. We really do want to love the church, however broken she is. We know we should.

Please reach out to us. Include us. Allow us to vent our frustrations and process our hurts without trying to fix us. Let us question. Most of all, keep pointing us toward Jesus Christ, the One who heals the broken-hearted.

Being

Sometimes I like to sit and let the silence soothe my soul. To be able to hear every creak of the house, the quiet hum of the computer, to stare out the window and be still. I long for these little moments that almost never come anymore. I think I could stay here forever.

When they come, I feel the crush of time. I know it is only a matter of minutes until I hear their little feet coming to find me. I feel the minutes go by in painful agony, wishing for time to slow down. For just another few quiet moments uninterrupted.

I do so love these little persons that steal my time and my silence. There were never cuter bandits in the world. They are my world.

With every breath I take, I drink in more of this wonderful silence. I want to suck it all into me until there is no more to fill. The sound of drizzly raindrops bores into me. I really think I could stay here forever.

I soak up what I can.

The stillness, the silence, the...

Being.

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On New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year. The time of year for everyone's New Year's resolution zeal to be winding down. New Year's resolutions are a weird thing for me. I'm not sure I understand the point. Is there some sort of gleeful feeling one gets from starting things on a day and a month marked with a one?

I don't understand the reason so many put so much on January 1st. One could pick any other day to "turn over a new leaf". Any other day to start exercising. Or start a diet. Or be more nice to people.

When the stats show that only 8% of people are successful at keeping their resolutions, than what is the point? Why bother to make them? Why do people choose to lock themselves into a hard as stone resolution that they are destined never to keep and to feel terrible about forever?

It's a vicious cycle. You make resolutions, start running out of steam a month in, fail completely, beat yourself up over it, and then make a whole new list up that, by golly, you are gonna work extra hard to fulfill it! On and on the cycle goes.

I understand goals. Goals are great. Goals are flexible. Goals are something you can work towards in manageable steps.

For example, when one resolves to lose weight, one usually also resolves to never eat butter or cheesecake until they have lost x amount of pounds. One resolves to go to the gym every day. With a goal, you aim to lose weight and take the manageable steps to get there. This may involve parking further away from your destination, eating 4 servings of vegetables everyday, and only eating a piece of cheesecake once a week.

The very word resolution sounds so permanent that I think it hampers more than it helps. Where is the give for the day that you come home too exhausted to hit the gym? Or you're sick for a week? I think goals are better suited for this. You can take two steps forward and one step back without it being a big deal.

I like to write out a list of goals at the beginning of the year, just to give myself some direction. Every couple months I take a look at it, mark off things that I've accomplished, and reevaluate my goals. If I didn't, I'd never accomplish anything! These are goals I am working towards, not resolutions that I will feel terrible about failing. Sometimes I get it all done and usually I don't, but I have no guilt either way.

Life is hard enough. Let's show ourselves some grace and get things done. Work towards a goal or two. And you don't even have to wait until January 1st.

I'm Back!

Life happens. And when it happens, sometimes there are things that fall by the wayside. One of them was this blog. Between not having internet, moving, and having a baby, I just let it go. The thing is, I really enjoyed it. So I'm back!

I'm not sure how often I'll be posting, but whenever I have time and the mood strikes, I will be here. I'll be sharing some things about my life, interesting quotes, stories, and deep questioning thoughts. I hope you will join me as I seek to enjoy life and know more about my Creator God that loves me so!

River Rocks Series: Five Smooth Stones

"And David strapped his sword over his armor. And he tried in vain to go, for he had not tested them. Then David said to Saul, "I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them." So David put them off.
Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones
from the brook and put them in his shepherd's pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine.
And the Philistine moved forward and came near to David, with his shield-bearer in front of him.
And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance.
And the Philistine said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
the Philistine said to David, "Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field."
Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.
This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel,
and that all this assembly may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD's, and he will give you into our hand."
When the Philistine arose and came and drew near to meet David, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine.
And David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone and slung it and struck the Philistine on his forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the ground.
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and struck the Philistine and killed him. There was no sword in the hand of David."
~1 Samuel 17:39-50

This passage was where my study of river rocks and suffering began. It is a familiar story: David and Goliath, the shepherd boy versus the giant. I had read it many times before but this time the wording in verse 40 caught my attention. David had chosen these rocks.

Webster's Dictionary defines the verb, to choose, as:
To pick out; to select; to take by way of preference from two or more things offered; to make choice of.

David was not picking up rocks at random. These would be his only weapons and, since David was a master with his sling, he knew exactly what he was looking for and what would work best. He was carefully choosing the weight, size, shape, and possibly smoothness, of these stones. David was looking for river rocks that had been perfectly prepared for this mission.

There was a process that these "smooth stones" had to go through to become perfectly prepared. A rock is made smooth by tumbling, and I will go more into that process in my future posts. Who knows how long these rocks had been tumbling about in that brook becoming exactly what David needed for that exact time?

There are many lessons in suffering and seeing our circumstances from God's perspective that we can learn from these five smooth stones, the process of tumbling, and David's own life.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

~Russell Kelfer

Tumbling Up

Some of you may already be aware that river rocks hold a special place in my heart. Not only are they beautiful and great to decorate with, there are so many analogies to the spiritual life that can be gleaned from them. I will be turning my study into a series of posts so that you all can enjoy them too.
I would like to explain my blog title to you because it is probably the cleverest thing I will come up with in the course of my lifetime. I you can see, I am quite proud of myself! It has a double meaning: first, for rocks to become smooth and shiny they have to be tumbled. The second meaning is a phrase I took from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. The main character, Pip, is observing children tumbling around a yard and over each other and comes to the conclusion that instead of growing up, the children are "tumbling up." So as I am maturing and growing in Christ, I am "tumbling up."
I am looking forward to my next posting! Christ is risen!

New Name

Hello friends! Soon I will be changing the name of my blog to something amazingly awesome and doing a series of blog posts specific to the new name. It will still be my blog, just a different name. I figured I should let you know beforehand. Happy blogging!

Christ is risen!

God Cares About My Stuff?

Leviticus is not the easiest book to read through. It can be quite boring. And, on top of being boring, it is burdensome and sobering. It reveals God's absolute holiness, righteousness, and justice. The very reading of God's law creates a sense of inevitable failure in the reader. It is meant to be so, as Paul writes in Romans 7:9-13, to show us our sin and need for a Savior.

However, even in the Old Testament law, God reveals Himself to be Love. Sometimes it is tucked into a verse, barely noticeable. At other times, it is God Himself declaring who He is to His people. God is holy, but even in His holiness He lets His steadfast love and mercy be known.

"When you come into the land of Canaan, which I give you for a possession, and I put a case of leprous disease in a house in the land of your possession, then he who owns the house shall come and tell the priest, 'There seems to me to be some case of disease in my house.' Then the priest shall command that they empty the house before the priest goes to examine the disease, lest all that is in the house be declared unclean. And afterward the priest shall go in to see the house."

Leviticus 14:34-36 ESV {emphasis mine}

Emptying the house is significant when you think of all the things that would be in the house. Everything needed for staying alive and comfortable (furniture, clothes, kitchen things, food, etc) PLUS any extra luxuries like jewelry or house decorations, and items with personal, sentimental value. Even with a law where clean or unclean is a big deal, God is looking ahead and insuring that His people will be able to keep the things that they need and the little things that are important to them.

I was overwhelmed by God's goodness as I read these verses! Yes, God does care about stuff, and, more specifically, He cares about "my" stuff. The law shows God's harshness towards sin, His judgment, wrath, and holiness, but it also shows us His great mercy, love, and care for us.

Random Thoughts

I have not had as much oppurtunity to blog as I would like, but I hope my random thoughts have been at least interesting. I am working on some bigger posts but I am unsure as to when they will be up. Until then, I leave you with another profound quote. I hope it encourages you to think and then act. We are wrestling against the rulers of the darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places; do not make the mistake of separating your faith from current events. Go out and change the world!

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it on to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States when men were free."

~Ronald Reagan

A Word From...

...one of my favorite philosophers, Groucho Marx!

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."

Some Reasons To Be Happy

Today, especially this week, with so much wrong with the world and my mood, I have decided to think about what matters. The weather may be dreary, I may feel under the weather, those that have some power may be seeking more power, but my God is in control and He will return soon! He has blessed me with wonderful friends, family, and things like...

rich dark chocolate...

warm blankets...

soft fuzzy sweaters...

a tuned piano...

the complete set of Star Wars movies...

and coffee!

Love

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is being "in love," which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

~Attributed to St. Augustine

"He's Not A Tame Lion"

This is one of my absolute favorite quotes from The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis (Forgive me if the quote is only in the movie, I couldn't remember whether it was in the book or not). Aslan, the Great Lion, is a picture of Christ. He created Narnia, he is good, and everything must submit to him. He is also "not a tame lion". That is one of the many things I love about this character: you never know what he is going to do next!
Like Aslan, the God that I serve is not a tame God. God is not boring as most unbelievers suppose and as most believers act. I never know what He is going to do next, my life is an adventure! So live life with breathless expectation, seize the day, and worship our untame God!

"To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways; we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation."

-Oswald Chambers

What's A Girl To Do?

What's a girl to do when it is one of those days? You know what I'm talking about, those days when your face breaks out, you have nothing to wear, you are acutely aware of the fact that you gained a pound, and life just seems plain out cruel in everyway possible. What's a girl to do when those days start stretching into weeks?
In the past couple weeks, wedding stress has turned my face into something that just stresses me out more every time I look at it, late nights have turned my emotions into ticking time bombs, I resprained the foot that I sprained two years ago, and it seems that there are people out there who delight in tearing down the world that I am trying so hard to keep intact in the midst of all this change. In short, I have become a zit-faced basketcase, seriously entertaining the thought that all who look upon me will cringe at the sight and, if that doesn't scare them away, my volatile, irrational emotions will. In tears, I cried to God for answers and He, as usual, delighted to answer me.

Me: "Why God, did you make me like this? How can everyone still care about me and tell me I'm beautiful, especially my fiance? I'm so not! Is everyone really that blind?"

God: What if (God always seems to answer me with a question) I am trying to tell you that you are beautiful through them? What if they are seeing you as I see you? Can you accept that I think you are beautiful in every way? Can you accept that I want others to see you as I do and through them, I am expressing myself to you?

God always knows what to say to get through to me:)

An Infinite God

We usually look at the word infinite and think of something eternal, something that has no end, something that just keeps going beyond all time and space. While this is a correct definition, it only deals with the concept of time. God does exist beyond all time and space, He is boundless and eternal with no end, but what if we expanded the meaning of infinite to include character, personality, virtue, strength, and reason?

Not only is God infinite in reference to time, but also in His entire Person. His love is infinite, His justice is infinite, and His mercy is infinite.

"And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man..." Romans 1:23

Even we as Christians are guilty of this. How often do we look at God and try to understand Him by looking through the glasses of our humanity? No human can be 100% just and 100% merciful at the same time. We may express each of these qualities, but none of us can express them to their fullest capacity, and both simultaneously. We are limited in this, but God is not.

I have noticed, that because we tend to limit God by understanding Him with our finite minds, we tend to latch on to one aspect of God and ignore the others, simply because we cannot reconcile in our minds that God can infinitely be all of them. Some latch onto God as holy and righteous Judge, or as the Father who blesses when He is obeyed and punishes when disobeyed. The thing is, God is infinitely both of them. Another aspect of God that tends to be downplayed in the circles I've been in, is God as Husband and Bridegroom.

This is the aspect of God that loves us with an everlasting love, the God that would lay down His life and die for us. Since getting engaged, marriage is one of those things that has been on my mind, and God has used it to better clarify to me the mystery of Christ and the Church. A husband finds pleasure in his wife, even if she burns dinner or spends a little too much on a pair of shoes. She is the desire of his heart, the one he is passionate about, the one he desires to protect from all harm. A whole book of the Bible was dedicated to the love between a husband and wife. Imagine God feeling toward you as Solomon felt toward his bride.

God is simultaneously 100% all of these. There is no division into parts. An infinite God has no bounderies placed on His nature; There is no dividing line where His mercy ends and His justice begins. They are infinite and boundless; they simultaneously work together 100% of the the time.

If God is love (which He is; 1 Jn. 4:8), and God loves every one of His children, do I have to share the love He loves me with, with every other believer? Is His love divided?

"An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." ~A. W. Tozer

The answer to both of my questions: no. When you divide a number by infinity, you get infinity. In the same way, when you divide God's love by infinity, you get infinite love that knows no bounderies and no limits.

Movies

After a long week of craziness, the weekend has arrived! Many people like to celebrate with a quick run to their neighborhood Blockbuster Video and by sharing a big bowl of popcorn with their friends. Movie nights are a favorite pastime of mine. I love seeing a movie with my family or friends but when it comes to actually choosing the movie, what is appropriate?

It is not easy to find the answer. The word movie will not show up in any Bible concordance. So, where do we draw the line? Psalm 101:3 says, "I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes…" The word wicked in this verse could be better translated "without profit" or "worthlessness."

Is it worthless and without profit for me? As individuals, we are each vulnerable in different areas. A violent war scene may not bother me but it may bother someone else; even something that may not affect me outwardly may affect my mind without my realizing it. All things are lawful for me to do, but not all things are edifying (1 Cor. 10:23). For this reason, it is necessary to carefully think about what we are watching instead of treating it as mindless entertainment.

Ultimately, we must each individually decide what God's desire is for us. God's laws are in our minds and written on our hearts. We have the mind of Christ. When we set before our eyes a thing that is not right for us to see, the Holy Spirit will reveal this.

AE Photo Scavenger Hunt

Stapler- A Paper's Eye View

Reflections- "This do in remembrance of Me"

Leap- The Leap of Faith

Fears- Hopelessly Alone

Coffee- Happiness in a cup!

Time- Make every second count

Squirrel- The new and improved hypoallergenic kind!

White Trash- Because nothing says it quite like a stroller propped up against a propane tank...

Date- Countdown to a deadline

Police- Those coffee-drinking, donut-eating, protectors of the community!

Self-Portrait- Enjoying the Spring Flowers

Making A Statement- "Our guns may be silent, but Dixie will never die"

A Memory- Bygone Summer Days

Weather- When it's raining, we often forget to look for the small, yet beautiful, moments.

Broken

Green- "Go Green!"

Music

A Favorite Thing- My Engagement Ring

A Tool- Old Shovel

Funny- Sometimes, the camera angle is the only thing that makes the picture:)

The Chastening of the Lord

Over the last few weeks, I have been memorizing Hebrews 12 for Advanced EXCEL. Several of the verses made me really think about the "chastening" of the Lord. What is the "chastening?"


And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourges every son whom he recieveth.
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
~Hebrews 12:5-11


So, what is this chastening? These verses state that only sons are chastened. Unbelievers will not recieve the chastening of the Lord, only believers will. Is chastening punishment from a Holy God? Most people I know would give an adament "YES!" to that question. But what does the word really mean? And can believers even be punished by God?


Let's look at a few verses and see what God actually says:


Psa 103:12~As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.


Rom 8:1~There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

2Cor 5:21~For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.


1Cor 6:17~But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.


When God looks at us, He sees His own righteousness. If we are one with the Lord, how can He punish Himself Who knew no sin? There is no condemnation for Jesus took it all upon Himself on the cross. I think it is safe to say that God does not and cannot punish us for our sins and "mistakes." The price has already been paid. It is finished.

Chastisement is definitely not punishment. So what is it then? The Greek words translated chastening and chastisement mean tutorage, train, instruct, and educate. Therefore, whom the Lord loveth He instructs, teaches, educates, trains. That takes some of the sting out of the word chastening for me.

The chastening of the Lord is simply God's tutorage. He may use the seemingly bad things we go through as tools for His teaching and It may not always be pleasant, but it is not punishment. It is God lovingly teaching us more about Himself and our standing in Christ. If we endure(remain under) chastening(tutorage, education, training) then God deals with us as His sons and daughters(Heb. 12:7a).